Asian weddings: Is a whole generation being priced out of its special day?

For some, wedding costs are becoming more of a financial burden. For first-generation immigrants to the country, the wedding was very much a family affair in that the event was planned and delivered by the wider family members.

A family member would take on the role of the wedding planner and events took place in local community halls and schools. 

One of the overriding features was that the food was served by family members. Some would spend the preceding week cutting bags of onions and over the weekend a thousand guests could be served.

A growing number of people across Lancashire and Greater Manchester are finding they simply cannot afford to organise a simple wedding or even attend one.

It is customary to hand over cash at a wedding with almost everyone putting a ‘no boxed gifts’ note on the invite.

In the eighties and nineties this was normally £20. In some cases people would hand over £10.

As Altaf, 58, explained: “The cash did not always go to the bride and groom. The family would hand over the cash to the caterers and whatever was left went to the bride and groom.

“What a wonderful time it was.

“Other times all the money went to the couple but you were only paying around £2,000 which was okay. You could manage that amount. Now, that cost has increased 10-fold.”

Shabaz is now in his thirties and said attending a wedding was getting very expensive, “I can’t afford to attend a wedding anymore.

“For instance, if I am invited to four events in the summer I will have to give at least £50 to each wedding. More if the person is related to me in some way.

“I can give less but £40 to £50 is the going rate these days.

“I decide not to go but sometimes you can only make so many excuses.

“I know people who pretend to be away or sick so they don’t have to go. I don’t blame them.”

Ahmad, 48, said organising a wedding had become stressful even when a family had saved for years.

He said: “I organised my son’s wedding and it was costing upwards of £60 a head. But I was likely to receive £50 per family as a gift. So that is more than £200 to feed a family of four.

“Honestly, I would just rather take them to the local restaurant and the bill would be more manageable.

“In the past we would invite everyone but not now. Even with restrictions the numbers are coming to 400 and that comes close to £20,000. That is a lot of money and not everyone has that sort of cash around. We work hard.

“It is just not affordable for most families.

“I know people who will spend double that with all the add ons.

“But you are recouping way less than that from the cash handed over.

“I am telling the family that the traditional way was the best when the family would help to serve the food along rows of tables. It just made more sense.”

When the family got together and served the food it was far more manageable, said dad-of-three Altaf.

He said: “Much of our problem comes from the number of people we look to invite.

“We cannot get away with just 50 to 100. It has to be around the 300 to the 400 mark and that in itself causes problems.

“I wish we could organise smaller weddings but people are stuck in a vicious circle. If you get invited to someone’s wedding then you are obliged to invite them. Not doing so is out of the question.

“I know family links between people are waning but your average Asian wedding is still around 400 people.”

Asma, 41, said the cost of weddings had shot up and there was no let-up in demand.

“I was invited to six weddings in a matter of weeks last year. Each time I knew the same people would there. So ended up wearing four different outfits or borrowing others from friends.

“Wedding used to be enjoyable I just find the whole thing stressful now and we are just the guests!”

Source – INDIA TV